Abe title chod post padh

Similar post have been done by two bloggers in the past, Incidentally both of them have same initials. Both DI, [link] and [link] . Couldn’t locate the post though.

So its about the weird/funny/sad word search that people do and land on my blog. And to show how much effort Google still has to put in its RnD Dept. Here we go.

1. how to make gampati bapa happy

I wish I knew , I wonder if google can tell you that. And after looking at spelling of Ganpati, I think it has been searched by a teenage boy whose ssc result is due. Internet is a devil for leading such teenage souls to blog like this. God bless.

2. constipation books

Constipation books, really? I can understand some old uncle type would write a para or may be a post on constipation, but a book? Let me know if you got any. Between Google misguided him because I wrote a review for one of chetan bhagat’s book. Enough said*.

3. waht

What or wat (Mumbaiya lingo)?

4. bhai tune pappi kyon li.rm

Well, seriously Mica tune pappi kyu li? I mean Rakhi Swant ki pappi?
Curtly Ambrose[link] has better chances of getting kissed than Rakhi Swanat will ever have. I hope he got the desired answer. Between what is that li.rm? Video file? Dude you wanna see how that happened? Yuck.

5. sweaty bodybuilder with armpit hair

I am speechless. If you wanna see one, just type Sunny Deol, I am sure he is sweaty and must be having those armpit hair you are looking for.

6. guy deletes gf farmville

What? how could he? But wait, why you wanna find that? To send that Girl Farm-ville invites?

7. shridevi yogaasan

*Drum rolls* This one show, reach of this this blog. Even people from south has access to this blog. Between you guys have any link of ‘yogasana of Sridevi’? Asking just to help these needy souls, not for me. ;)

8.amar singh and enjoy

I wonder who wants to enjoy with Amar Singh? As a regular reader of national daily’s page3 supplement, My memory fails to point anyone else but Mr Bacchan himself. With so many events and parties they have attended together, The happy lot must be enjoying each others company. Does it concludes that Biggest superstar of this country reads my blog?

9.scary old ladies

Sorry I am not old and not a lady for sure, Just scary.

10.motivational engineers

Thanks google if you think I am one of those engineers who can motivate. Now I even have a proof for an objective of my next appraisal. *wheeheee*

11.facebook stole my life

Come on don’t be such a loser. I know people who have lost their wives/Gf to the said site.

12.bobby darling hair removal process

Thank god you just want to know about her(or his) hair removal process, After all its a family blog.

13.hot shirtless guy pic blog

I wish I could say you got the right guy, but no. Its partially right. That ‘hot’ and ‘shirtless’ thing cant happen. Though thanks to google for some moral boosting.

*I love Chetan Bhagat’s book and will read his next one as well.

And Wish you a Happy Eid, Ganesh Chaturthi and Savantsari etc in advance.

New post pretty fast I say, Now you cant complain. Between what is the wackiest word search that lead to your blog?

Show Me Some Love…

Below post is written in exact 10 minutes, so excuse me for horrible English and boring post, But do read till the end and vote for me…plisss ;) In case you don’t wanna read scroll down and click on voting links.

You know, when I was a kid I had this strange urge to go up the stage and grab that ‘Best Sportsman of the year’ trophy from school teacher and go all the way thanking my mom, dad, sis, my friends GF, my building watchman and all the other important people in my life; And break into 10 minute monologues to tell the audience how my parents had a tough life raising me and its because of their hard work and patience that I made it here and I so much owe this to them and blah..blah…and stuff. But as you know (or must have guessed) that it wasn’t the case, school was biased. For that matter I never won anything in life not even those bingo games in yearly building party.*sigh*

In my last year of school I asked my mom why cant they give me the ‘Best Sportsman of the year’ trophy I have been such a sport in my class. She pointed correctly I cant get that trophy because in last 10 years I never participated in any of the sports meet and was busy in playing marbles in my colony. That day I came to know that you must go to sports meet to win such cheap trophies. OK bad one.

Lets cut the story short and let me tell you that I have been nominated for ‘Avant Garde Bloggies Awards’ in ‘Best About Me Page Award’ Category. So this is the first time I have come so close to winning something (I don’t know how big this award is but better than apasara awards for sure).

So this time I wanna appeal to all my loyal and not so loyal readers to go and vote for me. I haven’t read the other nominee entries and I strongly advice that even you shouldn’t ;) because I am sure they must be far better than me but you are reader of this blog, right? You gotta vote for me na? Polls are live till midnight of 28th March So hurry. Moka kahi chutt na jaye..

So here is the deal Go to this page [ link ] and click on ‘Vivek’ . Its the last entry. No, Dont worry no registration required just select entry and click on vote and you are done. And if you want to read about the nominated page just click on ‘About Me’ tab on this blog or click here [ link ] . And if could just leave a comment here informing me that you have voted It will be helpful

Till then cya :)

Just Do It!!!

I guess its been a while since last time I posted on this blog. You see busy people have time for everything, lazy people just can’t manage. And as I am more lazy than some of the script-writers at YRF studio I just ignored this blog for last two weeks. But as every good thing comes to an end, even it has. So to your discomfort I have decided to post this one here.

No. Don’t worry, though I want to again put some random update about uneventful life of a software engineer, I wont. This post is not a long one and I wont talk much today, rather for a pleasant change I decide to give you a chance to do some talking and give control to you people.

Yes my dear readers I have decide to take a survey among my so called readers. Considering the hits I get on daily basis on my blog, I shouldn’t even think of putting such a survey, But you see lets-give-it-chance was my assumption behind this whole thing.

Being a creatively retarded I had to copy most of the question from enidhi’s blog. I have added/modified some of the question for my alleged readers comfort. I created a survey on google docs and while embedding that survey here I realized that frames are not supported by wordpress. So I cant embed the survey here *slap myself* . I know its very inconvenient to click links on any blog but my lord I don’t have any other option so I urge you to please click on the below link to fill the survey form. All questions are optional, so you can answer only those questions which you find interesting enough.

P.S. : Its a simple survey and will not take more than 23.7 sec if you are horrible at clicking your mouse buttons, else flat 17 sec.

P.P.S. : If you put more than 4 abusive words I shall not consider your feedback.heh

P.P.P.S : And don’t kill me for that last question :P

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updated : Please mention your name or email id in poll so I know who you are..just a request. And it would be great if you can tell me what you really hate/love about me in feedback section. Please.

Click for survey [link]

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Source : enidhi.net

My Experiment with Freebies

After typing ‘there’ instead of ‘their’, ‘right’ instead of ‘write’ in last two post I am back with one more post which is equally low in grammatical sense. I would have said that ki bhavnao ko samjho and as long as you get the message I want to communicate it shouldn’t be a problem but sadly most of the post doesn’t have that also. So all I can say shamelessly is ki yes my angrezi sucks and my IQ is as disgusting as upen patels looks. So we cant help on that front.

One more thing I would like to confess is that ki I love freebies. Anything, just anything (even your advice) if its free I am game for it. So this post dedicated to all the companies/people who gave me free colas to free dvd’s, to the guys who gave me enuf worthy ideas to sit in the couch and reach out to those gift vouchers. I owe you this one.

39 Dollar experiment :[link]

Back in 2006 I saw this site called 39dollarexperiment and I loved the whole idea. I posted about the same a while back [link] .Tom sent 100 post cards to 100 random companies asking if they can give him some freebies How lazy someone can get? The whole experiment cost him some 39+ dollars and he got freebies worth 200+ dollars including that cool BMW key-chain. It sound insane but it worked.

And yours truly being yours truly tried the same idea with minimal input cost. I e-mailed the requests. I copy-pasted (I am an engineer. Copy paste is in my blood) request of tom and e-mailed it to many companies. Most of them didn’t replied and some replied with buy-them-kiddo message, But guess what I got an envelope from skoda motors which had a desk calender, personal diary and a skoda key-chain. I felt good.

Mystery Shopping :[link]

Mystery Shopping

Mystery Shopping

Its popular concept in west. They have N number of mystery shopping business ventures. I saw a cnbc news capsule back in 2006 (ye you guessed it right, in 2006 I was vella). A camera moving around a shopping mall focusing on a rear of a girl who was shopping. She was a mystery shopper. She said because of mystery shopping she could afford a BMW , a duplex flat in vile parle and an all paid trip to europe. I jumped of my seat I decided that this is the thing I want to do whole my life . At that moment I got my lakshya. I googled the whole thing up and found a company who handles mystery shopping for many Indian companies. I registered on their site and did a mystery shopping for a sony ericsson phone.

It was fun!! I liked the whole exercise. And I got paid 300 for a 30 minutes work. Yes that BMW story is fabricated by yours truly.heh. But I liked the concept its cool idea to review shops for different companies and get paid in the bargain. You will be paid anywhere between INR 300 to 1000 for a 30-60 minutes work. And if you enjoy shopping unlike me It will be added thing for you.

BigFlix Offer :[link]

Big Flix

Big Flix

It doesn’t fall exactly under this category as they have this seasonal offer. Recently I tried 15 days free trial from BigFlix, which included unlimited number of dvd for 15 days as long as you have only one DVD at any given point of time. Although I was tempted to continue the subscription which would have cost me 375 a month, I didn’t. You see spending half of your salary on some movie rental scheme is not such a good idea, as my financial planner suggested. But you can go ahead and try it . They still have 15 days free trial on. I would recommend you try this one. They have decent stock of all the hollywood and bollywood movies. And those guys deliver and pick up at free of cost. And no you don’t have to blog about it like me. Its not a promotional post.

So first time I am sharing some of the ideas which can get you those freebies. Do share your thoughts on same. And finally you can say something on this blog can be tagged as useful….:D

But if you think all this stuff is way to complicated than just subscribe to this site [link] and you should get some cool offers each friday (you must be from mumbai). I haven’t used any of them but I think they have good offers and freebies. They don’t spam so you can try it out.

If you have some cool sites similar or otherwise do share with me. And if you want Indian mystery shopping site; buzz me.

Till den… :D

Aao Gym Kare…

No comment on improvement for my last post so I think ‘About Me’ page is perfect. No subscriber for feed burner as well so I believe you like to personally visit my page. And no help regarding the book ,so you don’t like piracy i guess. Never Mind.

Coming to this post. Yours truly joined the gym last year around march and as luck would have it he discontinued in a month. But here is a brief snap-shot of diff category I have seen. I hope you like it.

People who come to Gym :

Rambo-Shambo :
These guys are high on rambo series movies. Half of their salary goes to protein supplement they drink. Remaining half goes for their jumbo break-fast and lunch , no dinner here*. They are the reason why 80% of the gyms are running. They cant eat Indian style, there fingers don’t reach there mouth or for that matter any opening in body, Damn Biceps!!. They use spoon and fork even for roti if they ever eat one. I wonder what they do in toilet, water jet!?

It takes 300 pushes, 250 crunches and few faulty Air Conditioners to make them sweat. They watch there biceps every half an hour and give a grin to themselves. They look like human robot. Walk as if they recently had piles operation.

They don’t have GFs because when they were suppose to be having dinner with her, they can be found doing stomach crunches in gym. 100% of their free time is spend in gym only.

Damm Biceps

Damm I dont even fit in the pic frame

*remember no carbs after 7.

Fat-So?:

For this category gymming is as interesting as having a bath with amar singh in a bath-tub. They are their just because they are on verge of losing their current girl friend or the next marriage proposal. So they are pushed by their girl friends and Moms. Hence they drive half an hour to reach a gym to jog for five minutes.

This breed is dedicated one, they don’t look at sexy gals. They don’t waste there time in changing rooms. They use only one machine in the gym , trade mill. They run faster than their machine’s speed. But they cant help it ;52 seconds on trade mill and they break into sweat, 100 seconds they are huffing puffing. 150 second they are about to get a heart attack. They are the reason why trainer want mid-term appraisals.

As I said they are very dedicated they listen to every tip gym dietitian give and after the session they go and eat 2 plates of ragda pattice and one glass lassi at shady food joint located strategically next to the gym. And at end of the yearly membership their weight is much more than earlier one.

Romeo-Style:

Ok! They are the people who don’t change into tracks they just get in with jeans until trainer shoo them away to changing room. They are not there to get all worked up or ruffle their hair. They are there just for the girls. They smile at every girl in their vicinity. They think they are the next ranbir kapoor in making. They are the real trouble maker for trainers because they hit on every girl , for which our trainer has an eye. They adjust their hair with alarming frequency. They pay there membership in installments and do a mr. india act as soon as they get their shridevi.

Gals (Cute,Slim,Fat):

Every gal irrespective of her size and weight has this strange habit of carrying her i-pod and mobile phone. They don’t like trainers taste in music so they get their own i-pod. They all wanna look like kareena kapoor. They all think they are fat. They love doing cardio till sweat start spoiling their make-up (yes they all do make-up). They all are in new t-shirt everyday. All T-shirt have messages like ‘I know what you are looking at’, ‘Who Cares’, ‘Girl Rules’ and all such meaning less things. They keep checking there cell phone every 5 minutes. They eat salad for their lunch , nimbu pani for their break fast and dinner…who takes dinner?

Last and the Least :

These are the people who got the membership because they got some complimentary coupons from someone, Or they won lucky coupon at annual lottery of ‘jayantilal and sons jewellers’. They show up once in a week. They don’t try half of the machines because they are afraid of damaging them and the consequences which may follow. Nobody notice them; gals, trainer even the receptionist. They do bench press in a corner.
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I added it but somehow it vanished in the published post.So here its…
I am already tired and sweating so now you know in which category author of this post fits. I don’t need any gym to sweat it out. Such long posts are enough.
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Please add your experience if I have missed out on some of the cats.. :P

What Women Want !?

“A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery.” ~Diana Stürm

Disclaimer : No ex-president, behenji or dog has been hurt in process of writing this post. But if you didn’t like manjari fadnis’s ‘who is this?’ track in JTJN or in other words if you don’t have low level of sense of humor . I would advice you to stay away from this post.

As I sat down to demystify biggest question mankind ever faced ;My attention was drawn to my cell phone which was flashing vodafone alert ( without subscription ) .

“What your belly Button says about you ? click ok to know more!”

At first it sounds like a routine question prepared by a HSC grad working in some KPO for vodafone who failed to get a good college because he couldn’t remove cheats from his undies because his fly got locked at the nth hour but if you think twice it has deeper meaning. Actually I know what my belly button says about me . It says instead of writing this lousy blog I should get a life. I should walk 7 mile a day and should re-join my aerobic class. I should order for low fat pizza instead of cheese-burst variant. But who cares ? I believe :

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.”

And I don’t wanna run for public office. You must have guessed why? Because I hate running!!!

What women want?

what women want?

You are still here? that’s interesting. You really wanna know what women want ? Don’t ya! Who doesn’t? But from this blog of a 20+ year old chap (24 years..is too scary!) ? who thinks celebrating valentine days is for losers . Who thinks emotions are more important than price tags. Who thinks salman khan sucks and who doesn’t know how girls manage to get their nail-polish matched with their ear-rings everyday.

To start with I never understood what ‘real’ women wants. That’s because I am an engineer. That too from mumbai university. If you have been through same 4 years stint you will know; we engineers don’t know how a beautiful girl look like. In engineering days whoever got MC assignment done first was the most beautiful person. Mind you ! No gender discrimination. Actually very few good gals opt for science. And all those gals either studious or total dumb, So the former goes to medical colleges and latter do their re-search in B.Sc. So all we engineers get is mediocre crowd. So any person who remotely looks like a gal is beautiful. One of my engineer friend thinks even bobby darling doesn’t look that bad. And that says it all.*sigh*

Well! I don’t know much about what women want but as true blogger who is totally dedicated to his regular readers; Have done a little research to find out what women want. The ages old secret which has been kept under the carpet, over the roof and behind the flush tank should be out. Well that’s what my intention are but I am an optimist I think more and work less.

I did a little behind-the-door public interview with some of my so called friends to find out the answer of eternal question. These people have been there and done that so I assumed they can show me the path to the woman’s mind.

I started with sallu (aka Shirtless khan) I call him with pet name…my pet has the same name so…

Me : Sallu yaar, from bijlanis to kats. Tune itni duniya dekhi , tell me what women want?

Sallu( in his boston meets bandra accent) : Are yaar mujhe pata hota to itni duniya dekhta me? Vinod kambli ki tarah ek hi baar me settle na ho jata me?

ME : Tell na buddy , So many women you have in your life, You must be knowing the secret ,huh?

Sallu : No ideaa men, My mom wants ki me shaadi karlu, My kam wali bai wants ki me ghar pe to shirt pehnu , Kats want do 15 more movie with akki before she settles. No idea men what women want?!

After this I went to bebo aka size Zero.

Me : Bebo you are a woman; you should know what woman wants, na?

Bebo (Looking sideways ) : Size zero, huh?

Me : I am talking in general, Even about those women who don’t want to wear bikini. BTW why you switched from lovely-kid shahid to oldy saif?

Bebo(Rolling her eyes) : Well, Size matters..err..I mean experience matters. Saifu is more mature. He knows diff YOGA-ASAN as well.

Me : Ohh, Now I know why shahid missed the train .

But Yours truly couldn’t stop here. Sometimes failure teaches you more than success. So I thought of asking some people who couldn’t make it. No I am not talking about uday chopra or tushar kapoor . Some veterans who couldn’t make it.

The indian Rupert Grint aka ex-President.

Me : Hello Sir.
IRG (try to see me through his hair blinkers) : Hello young boy, You are from that airlines? came with an apology letter?

Me : I am afraid I am not. I just came to ask you a simple question sir. what women want?

IRG (bit disappointed , bit angry) : You are a young boy, You should be building india’s future and look what you are doing.

Me : Well, Sir all I want to know is what women want and then I will leave, right away.

IRG : I don’t know what women want; But all I can say is do visit your hair dresser regularly. It will increase your chances.

Then I moved to women of fat faith.

Behnji aka behnji.

ME : Madam , What women want?

Behnji : which women? No women or men can ask for anything till I get 420 statue of manayawar and me in the state.

ME : I mean what every women wants?

Behnji : I want statue!!!

I rest my case.

I failed, I still couldn’t analyze what this conversation lead to. What does a women want ? A husband who knows how to wear a shirt or who know diff yoga-asan. A guy with a decent hair cut or who can build her statue on every corner of the road?

I don’t know what women want, do you?

And don’t ask me what men want?..because the answer is
.
.

.
.
LOL!!!!

For Blogadda Contest [link]

A product from pringoo [link]

You Belong to Mumbai If

I have been to few of my previous posts and I think I can win ‘make-no-sense-blogger’ award hands down. And last few post has been all about my sadu life so this time I thought doing something different for readers of this blog (count is 2 including me).

As yours truly has been going through many awesome blogs and getting ‘inspired’ and all. He has seen a post on net on the same topic and thought of putting his list of things about mumbai. I hope you guys like it.

Losing My Viginity

Bandra Worli Sea Link

-You call it mumbai and not bombay.

-You know that vada-pav is not just another snack. It can be lunch and dinner at times.

-You know wat ‘kalti’ , ‘apun’ , ‘bhidu’ and ‘geun tak’ means.

-Its difficult to patao gal here than any other part of country.

-You have spend half of your life travelling, i.e. within city.

-You dont know how actually a ‘clean’ beach look like.

-You feel that central gov always do injustice to mumbai when it comes to budget.

-You dont know how a empty train looks like.

-You know its not ‘heavy’ rain unless western railways shut there operation.

-You dont know what is winter season.

-You cut lanes but follow signals.

-You can patau RTO wala in exact 20 rupee.

-You think BMC sucks.

-You are trained in finding roads amongst the pot holes.

-Movie names like ‘1.40 ki last local’ doesnt amuse you because you know the value of ‘last local’.

-You Happily give 100 rupee tip in hotel but fight with the rickshawala for 5 rupees change.

– You actually pay by meter when you travel in ricks or taxis.

-You dont know who is the mayor of mumbai and What he/she suppose to do.

-You feel your blessed if you managed to get fourth seat in the local.

-You believe mumbai should be capital of india.

– You dont go to band stand to watch SRK’s bunglow.

-You know wat is bhajji-pav, misal and usal means.

-Its never too late to reach home even if its 2am.

-You see people offering there seats to women.

-You feel guilty for not visiting the bandra-worli sea link.

-You were in the office on 27/11 and not at home.

– And if your still reading this post.

I can write 920 more things about mumbai but I think its enough for the day but Guys you can add your suggestion in the comment section.

cya… :)