Warning : This post is long and there is too much of self-indulgence.
My loyal fans will recollect that I had written a piece on orkut [link] way back when I was a kid in blogging world. Not that ki I have matured from there on but I dont shit in posts anymore. on second thoughts may be I still do. So I decided to write a piece on facebook as orkut is already outdated just like vivek oberoi.
As you guys remember (if you dont ,better read the orkut post) I really enjoyed my time at orkut. Although I coudnt find any girl I wanted to. So when I was checking some community called ‘doomsday : life after death’ I got a call from one of my girl friend*.
Gf : Wassup…lazy boy?
Me : Yawn!!!
Gf : You are sleepin?
Me: Yawn, No just checking some cool stuff on orkut.
Gf : Orkut? geeee…and cool doesn’t go hand in hand.
Me : What? I think its very coollll
Gf : No wonder you say it cool…eeww
Me : what you say ?
Gf : Its Kewl dude k-e-w-l..and not cool
Me : ohhh…but How do you know I said cool and not kewl..sounds same ..hehe
Gf : Because I know you ..and orkut is so 80’s..why don’t you update on facebook.
Me : Its so complicated there na..orkut simple hai indianized hai…you read my latest testimonial?
Gf : Move over dude…chal I am off to harvest my land..
Me: At your farm house which you recently bought? Can I come along?
Gf : Get a life..its on FB..I don’t know why I am talking to you …you are so retro dude …
Me: wat the….hello..hello….
She disconnected the call but ‘you are so retro’ stuck. I felt bad. And just like any self respecting 80s hero I decide to take a revenge and show her what I was worth of.
I Disconnected my orkut account and concentrated on facebook. I wanted her to know that even I can become a kewl farmer.
I was a changed man; I was a man on a mission.
I added all my friends from orkut to facebook. I sent friendship request to every celebrity worth her/his 5 second fame on tv Including upen patel.
I exhaustively took every quiz worth taking and found some real and ugly truth about my past present and future life. I found out that my ideal job would have been of a full time waiter at a gay club in nigeria. The quiz told me that I had a crush on pooja bhatt when I was 10. I came to know that I will die a day before doomsday , cause of death would be choking while munching on chocolate cookie. I understood that I was perfect for role of Lambu Atta in cult movie gunda (just missed it..*sigh*). They told me in my past life I was Marilyn Monroe (I don’t believe this one, you too right? ) . It told me that most embarrassing thing about me was my smelly armpits. And I published all this results on FB.
I was a man on a mission.
Although I am jain I joined mafia wars to kill enemies and win some virtual money. I killed them brutally without even giving a second thought about my religion or their family . I was mean, I know :(. I collected highest point in my group. I moved to farmville and became a full time farmer (my grandpa must have felt good about that). I spend all my my hours (note : non working hours) on harvesting my land and finding neighbors to get more point. I sent so many farmville request to some people that they deleted me from there fb friend list. I couldn’t care less.
I was a man on mission. Mission which will prove that I was no ‘retro’ and I was kewl, to prove that I was hip and I so belonged here. I won so many points that I almost become landlord there. I felt so proud and happy.
It took me 3 months and 45 days of hard work, some hard earned money on internet bandwidth, losing few real life friend to gain some virtual friend and points, Accepting some horrific quiz results. It was not easy at all.
But I told you I was man on a mission.
After earning so much credibility on facebook I decided to call it a day and poked my Gf to tell her how kewl I was and much belong to 2009. But she didn’t reply. I checked her FB account it looked dead. I couldn’t understand. The moment was here , I accomplished my task to see this day to tell her how much ‘IN’ I was. But she was no where.
But as I said I was a man on a mission. I called her
Me : Hello
Gf : Hi
Me : How are you?
Gf : wait…*after 10 seconds*….I am good..long time
Me : Yes..I was busy in…
Gf : wait..*after 10 seconds*..yes tell me
Me : What the duck you are doing every 10 second?
Gf : lol
Me : Whats that?
Gf : It means laughing out loud you idiot..wait *10 seconds*..
Me: That I know..but you said L-O-L, instead of laughing out loud…
Gf : ROFL
Me: Again ..what are you doing every 10 second?
Gf : Ohh..I was tweeting abt over conversation…
Me : tweeting..that’s something birds do right?
Gf : LOL…you don’t have twitter account? #WTF
Me : Now whats that? I was busy in Facebookin….
Gf: Dude..move on ..whole word is on twitter..including my mom..and you are still on FB #FAIL.
Me: what rubbish….:(
Gf: You are so retro dude….
Me: what the….hello..hello….
And I joined twiter. Her tweets about over conversation…
“Old friend callling..brb”
“Actually just a colleague”
“his asking me what is lol..lol”
“he doesnt know what is twitter #EPICFAIL”
“disconnected ..back to tweeting #FTW”
I am still a man and on a mission.
*Gf means friend who happens to be a girl.