I don’t want to be a woman

Alert : Abusive post. But you know what? you need it.

Its womens day today and I think It cant get better or harsh than this. You may not agree with all that’s written but quite true, I would say. So for a change lets not celebrate but introspect.

Original post by : Bombay addict from here you can checkout the guy here

I don’t want to be a woman because

- I’m a child, a girl, a lady, a woman. A friend, a sister, an aunt, a wife, a mother, a lover. Before all that I’m a woman.

- I’m available. I’m public property. My eyes, my lips, my breasts, my hands, my arms, my waist, my thighs, my feet, my legs. Their hands, their elbows, their eyes, their feet, their chest, their mouth. Their words. Their attacks. Their gropes, their stares, their nudges, their pushes.

- I’m a cunt. If I don’t smile back at a stranger saying “Hi, want a lift?”.

- I’m a raand. If I don’t smile back at a stranger saying “Kya madam, chalen sair pe?”

- I’m available. If you want a one-night stand.

- I’m a whore. If I want a one-night stand.

- I’m a slut. If my best friends are guys.

- I’m a drunk. If I go to a bar after a bad day.

- I’m a chaalu. If I wear a mini skirt.

- I’m disgusting. If I used foul language.

- I’m ideal. If only I only stayed at home and didn’t party.

- I asked for it. If I didn’t smile back, if I got drunk, if I wore a mini skirt, if I wore a tight T-shirt, if I wore jeans, if I wore a frock. If I moved in a crowd. If I wanted to enjoy a sunset alone at Band Stand. If I wanted to go home with my friends after New Years.

- Yes, I asked for all of it. The violation, the intrusion, the humiliation, the hurt, the bruises, the insults, the blood, the tears, the trauma. I asked for all of it.

What Women Want !?

“A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery.” ~Diana Stürm

Disclaimer : No ex-president, behenji or dog has been hurt in process of writing this post. But if you didn’t like manjari fadnis’s ‘who is this?’ track in JTJN or in other words if you don’t have low level of sense of humor . I would advice you to stay away from this post.

As I sat down to demystify biggest question mankind ever faced ;My attention was drawn to my cell phone which was flashing vodafone alert ( without subscription ) .

“What your belly Button says about you ? click ok to know more!”

At first it sounds like a routine question prepared by a HSC grad working in some KPO for vodafone who failed to get a good college because he couldn’t remove cheats from his undies because his fly got locked at the nth hour but if you think twice it has deeper meaning. Actually I know what my belly button says about me . It says instead of writing this lousy blog I should get a life. I should walk 7 mile a day and should re-join my aerobic class. I should order for low fat pizza instead of cheese-burst variant. But who cares ? I believe :

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.”

And I don’t wanna run for public office. You must have guessed why? Because I hate running!!!

What women want?

what women want?

You are still here? that’s interesting. You really wanna know what women want ? Don’t ya! Who doesn’t? But from this blog of a 20+ year old chap (24 years..is too scary!) ? who thinks celebrating valentine days is for losers . Who thinks emotions are more important than price tags. Who thinks salman khan sucks and who doesn’t know how girls manage to get their nail-polish matched with their ear-rings everyday.

To start with I never understood what ‘real’ women wants. That’s because I am an engineer. That too from mumbai university. If you have been through same 4 years stint you will know; we engineers don’t know how a beautiful girl look like. In engineering days whoever got MC assignment done first was the most beautiful person. Mind you ! No gender discrimination. Actually very few good gals opt for science. And all those gals either studious or total dumb, So the former goes to medical colleges and latter do their re-search in B.Sc. So all we engineers get is mediocre crowd. So any person who remotely looks like a gal is beautiful. One of my engineer friend thinks even bobby darling doesn’t look that bad. And that says it all.*sigh*

Well! I don’t know much about what women want but as true blogger who is totally dedicated to his regular readers; Have done a little research to find out what women want. The ages old secret which has been kept under the carpet, over the roof and behind the flush tank should be out. Well that’s what my intention are but I am an optimist I think more and work less.

I did a little behind-the-door public interview with some of my so called friends to find out the answer of eternal question. These people have been there and done that so I assumed they can show me the path to the woman’s mind.

I started with sallu (aka Shirtless khan) I call him with pet name…my pet has the same name so…

Me : Sallu yaar, from bijlanis to kats. Tune itni duniya dekhi , tell me what women want?

Sallu( in his boston meets bandra accent) : Are yaar mujhe pata hota to itni duniya dekhta me? Vinod kambli ki tarah ek hi baar me settle na ho jata me?

ME : Tell na buddy , So many women you have in your life, You must be knowing the secret ,huh?

Sallu : No ideaa men, My mom wants ki me shaadi karlu, My kam wali bai wants ki me ghar pe to shirt pehnu , Kats want do 15 more movie with akki before she settles. No idea men what women want?!

After this I went to bebo aka size Zero.

Me : Bebo you are a woman; you should know what woman wants, na?

Bebo (Looking sideways ) : Size zero, huh?

Me : I am talking in general, Even about those women who don’t want to wear bikini. BTW why you switched from lovely-kid shahid to oldy saif?

Bebo(Rolling her eyes) : Well, Size matters..err..I mean experience matters. Saifu is more mature. He knows diff YOGA-ASAN as well.

Me : Ohh, Now I know why shahid missed the train .

But Yours truly couldn’t stop here. Sometimes failure teaches you more than success. So I thought of asking some people who couldn’t make it. No I am not talking about uday chopra or tushar kapoor . Some veterans who couldn’t make it.

The indian Rupert Grint aka ex-President.

Me : Hello Sir.
IRG (try to see me through his hair blinkers) : Hello young boy, You are from that airlines? came with an apology letter?

Me : I am afraid I am not. I just came to ask you a simple question sir. what women want?

IRG (bit disappointed , bit angry) : You are a young boy, You should be building india’s future and look what you are doing.

Me : Well, Sir all I want to know is what women want and then I will leave, right away.

IRG : I don’t know what women want; But all I can say is do visit your hair dresser regularly. It will increase your chances.

Then I moved to women of fat faith.

Behnji aka behnji.

ME : Madam , What women want?

Behnji : which women? No women or men can ask for anything till I get 420 statue of manayawar and me in the state.

ME : I mean what every women wants?

Behnji : I want statue!!!

I rest my case.

I failed, I still couldn’t analyze what this conversation lead to. What does a women want ? A husband who knows how to wear a shirt or who know diff yoga-asan. A guy with a decent hair cut or who can build her statue on every corner of the road?

I don’t know what women want, do you?

And don’t ask me what men want?..because the answer is
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LOL!!!!

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