Bday, Marriage, Mom and Spams

You know whats worst than losing your GF to your best friend? Whats more ridicules than demotion at end of the year? Whats more disgusting than salman khan movies? Whats more stupid than watching big boss3? what is more painful than reading this blog? If your answer is NO then You have never used a rediffmail spam filter. And trust me you are very lucky. But as always life has been unfair to me and I do have account on rediff and Its spam filter sucks more than himeshzzz movies. After specifically putting N number of ids under spam and blocking them I still get mails from those ids again and again. I mean my 3 year nephew can write a better code to block spams than those at rediff. I wonder if rediff engineers are from mumbai university, quite possible I say. Its been more than 6 months . One of the sample spam mail

From : Dr Frank Saidu

Summary of mail : Someone is dead and he left his million dollar booty for me. And all I need to do is send 1/4th of amount to mr frank.

But all of you know I don’t have that kind of money so if anyone is interested in above offer can contact me. You send me that money and half of the sum is yours. No really. Its your last chance to be millionaire.

Well there are 3576 more mails ranging from ‘pleasure in bed’ to ‘fake sarah palin skin purses’ . Let me know guys if you are interested in any of these , shall forward those mails to you (just 5% commision I charge).

So you must be thinking I will continue this post with follow-up I had with rediff people and how I got all this fixed, But no I would rather end this post by telling you about the mysore dosa I had on sunday at D.P’s matunga.

Well after longest period I had a wonderful chat session with my mom on saturday and it was superb (If we just cut out the part where she criticized my dressing sense). It was fascinating to see sparks in her eyes when she told me some incident about her childhood, the determination when she narrated the tough time she had at various stages of her life. Its so surprising to know that I know so little about the woman in my life who knows everything about me, almost (lets not count those files on my hard drive and those night outs). Should have more such session with her, I guess.

Between last 2 post many things have happened that kept me away from this blog. My handsome old pal got married to a beautiful lady and I attended all the functions. It was amazing to marry off a friend. I literally lost him, But I am happy for the guy. I used to wonder how he liked movies like ‘dhoom’ and ‘kyu..ho gaya na’ but it all came down to me when he proposed to his lady love at ring ceremony and sang a song in his deep voice ( note : we used to call him bevda because of his voice only) It was filmy but so touching, I must admit. But it will take whole collection of yashraj films for a sadu like me to even utter those 3 letter. Now one of the side effect of getting a guy married in all-guy gang is you wont see him again on saturdays, at least for an year. Because after a year he will call us to meet on saturdays, wanna bet? other side effect is we no longer can call him bevda.*sigh*

More updates, I have completed 1/4th of a century on 13th of this month. Yes, I am officially old now. 25th b’day spent in some unusual manner which I shall reveal when it should be revealed. If you are still reading then you can wish me for wasting 25 years without a hitch.

Now I wanna make this a long post but I am already bored of all the stuff I have written and I assume even you are bored of reading these silly, casual and uninteresting stuff about me. So give your eyes some rest and shut the damm PC off.

Not wishing you a happy new year as I plan to come up with a post before new year. and ye merry X’mas.

Till den :D
*********added later*******************
update : Edited some ‘your’ to ‘you are’, ‘days’ to ‘day’, ‘than’ to ‘then’ and vice versa, few more stuff. After reading the piece I realized How horrible it would have been for you guys :P. I am sure few more corrections pending :)

What Women Want !?

“A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery.” ~Diana Stürm

Disclaimer : No ex-president, behenji or dog has been hurt in process of writing this post. But if you didn’t like manjari fadnis’s ‘who is this?’ track in JTJN or in other words if you don’t have low level of sense of humor . I would advice you to stay away from this post.

As I sat down to demystify biggest question mankind ever faced ;My attention was drawn to my cell phone which was flashing vodafone alert ( without subscription ) .

“What your belly Button says about you ? click ok to know more!”

At first it sounds like a routine question prepared by a HSC grad working in some KPO for vodafone who failed to get a good college because he couldn’t remove cheats from his undies because his fly got locked at the nth hour but if you think twice it has deeper meaning. Actually I know what my belly button says about me . It says instead of writing this lousy blog I should get a life. I should walk 7 mile a day and should re-join my aerobic class. I should order for low fat pizza instead of cheese-burst variant. But who cares ? I believe :

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.”

And I don’t wanna run for public office. You must have guessed why? Because I hate running!!!

What women want?

what women want?

You are still here? that’s interesting. You really wanna know what women want ? Don’t ya! Who doesn’t? But from this blog of a 20+ year old chap (24 years..is too scary!) ? who thinks celebrating valentine days is for losers . Who thinks emotions are more important than price tags. Who thinks salman khan sucks and who doesn’t know how girls manage to get their nail-polish matched with their ear-rings everyday.

To start with I never understood what ‘real’ women wants. That’s because I am an engineer. That too from mumbai university. If you have been through same 4 years stint you will know; we engineers don’t know how a beautiful girl look like. In engineering days whoever got MC assignment done first was the most beautiful person. Mind you ! No gender discrimination. Actually very few good gals opt for science. And all those gals either studious or total dumb, So the former goes to medical colleges and latter do their re-search in B.Sc. So all we engineers get is mediocre crowd. So any person who remotely looks like a gal is beautiful. One of my engineer friend thinks even bobby darling doesn’t look that bad. And that says it all.*sigh*

Well! I don’t know much about what women want but as true blogger who is totally dedicated to his regular readers; Have done a little research to find out what women want. The ages old secret which has been kept under the carpet, over the roof and behind the flush tank should be out. Well that’s what my intention are but I am an optimist I think more and work less.

I did a little behind-the-door public interview with some of my so called friends to find out the answer of eternal question. These people have been there and done that so I assumed they can show me the path to the woman’s mind.

I started with sallu (aka Shirtless khan) I call him with pet name…my pet has the same name so…

Me : Sallu yaar, from bijlanis to kats. Tune itni duniya dekhi , tell me what women want?

Sallu( in his boston meets bandra accent) : Are yaar mujhe pata hota to itni duniya dekhta me? Vinod kambli ki tarah ek hi baar me settle na ho jata me?

ME : Tell na buddy , So many women you have in your life, You must be knowing the secret ,huh?

Sallu : No ideaa men, My mom wants ki me shaadi karlu, My kam wali bai wants ki me ghar pe to shirt pehnu , Kats want do 15 more movie with akki before she settles. No idea men what women want?!

After this I went to bebo aka size Zero.

Me : Bebo you are a woman; you should know what woman wants, na?

Bebo (Looking sideways ) : Size zero, huh?

Me : I am talking in general, Even about those women who don’t want to wear bikini. BTW why you switched from lovely-kid shahid to oldy saif?

Bebo(Rolling her eyes) : Well, Size matters..err..I mean experience matters. Saifu is more mature. He knows diff YOGA-ASAN as well.

Me : Ohh, Now I know why shahid missed the train .

But Yours truly couldn’t stop here. Sometimes failure teaches you more than success. So I thought of asking some people who couldn’t make it. No I am not talking about uday chopra or tushar kapoor . Some veterans who couldn’t make it.

The indian Rupert Grint aka ex-President.

Me : Hello Sir.
IRG (try to see me through his hair blinkers) : Hello young boy, You are from that airlines? came with an apology letter?

Me : I am afraid I am not. I just came to ask you a simple question sir. what women want?

IRG (bit disappointed , bit angry) : You are a young boy, You should be building india’s future and look what you are doing.

Me : Well, Sir all I want to know is what women want and then I will leave, right away.

IRG : I don’t know what women want; But all I can say is do visit your hair dresser regularly. It will increase your chances.

Then I moved to women of fat faith.

Behnji aka behnji.

ME : Madam , What women want?

Behnji : which women? No women or men can ask for anything till I get 420 statue of manayawar and me in the state.

ME : I mean what every women wants?

Behnji : I want statue!!!

I rest my case.

I failed, I still couldn’t analyze what this conversation lead to. What does a women want ? A husband who knows how to wear a shirt or who know diff yoga-asan. A guy with a decent hair cut or who can build her statue on every corner of the road?

I don’t know what women want, do you?

And don’t ask me what men want?..because the answer is
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.

.
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LOL!!!!

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