Barely Readable

Enough is enough; I think this guy is a gone case. At the start of the week he promised me that he would write a funny post. Funny post means something for which you can miss funny riots like ‘Yamlok ka dwar’ on india tv and ‘Rakhi ka swayamwar’ on NDTV Imagine. But now the nut is saying his feeling depressed and wants to write something really sad, which will generate some sympathy for the poor soul (specially from a particular gender) and will get some real much needed traffic on this blog and all the gals going ‘poor boy’ and telling him to cheer up. But As real men I declined that; I never liked ‘choo chweet’ and ‘how cute’ stuff all my life.

As Yours truly aka allthecrap is just back from a screening of KKTH meets DDLJ meets KANK and busy analysing the movie ;I am writing down this post. Let me introduce myself I am 7th split personality of author of this blog. You can call me the-smart-ass, the-legend or something like this , but that must be kewl.

Allthecrap status : wondering wat went wrong with the movie.

See I dont waste my time on such stupid films which comes up with warning which says ‘Keep tissue paper handy’ , and I dont like everything which has anything to do with tissues in anycase.; I prefer water. I like movies which involves mar-dhad ; hero kicking villain that is. But 9 out of all of us disagrees with me *sigh*. Most of them like funny movies; they are waiting for ‘shotgun murugun’ and some of them are waiting for ‘kaminey’ .

allthecrap status : Pritam was good..dialogues very crispy..may be acting was flat. Things were not realistic enough or may be heroines were too tall.

In these recession days its scrary to give a hint to your boss that you have that solitaire on minimize mode whenever he comes to meet ya and you cant leave at 3 also. So last week authors 3rd split personality discovered many new blogs and funny sites to keep himself busy till 6 pm on working days. But nut wont share those blogs with you; because copying endless content from same old blogs was geting bit tuff so here he can copy all new once till they are discovered by ppl so till then giving away those seems like a big mistake.

allthecrap status : no bollywood movie is realistic and no heroine is shorter than saif; but this one was not convincing enough, I guess. Wat this guy is doing on my lapy …shit!!!!!

Please ignore all the above stuff its just my alter ego got hold of this and I just dont wanna delete wat he has written but its all baseless and untrue. I did try to put a good post all week but coudnt manage to make a sensible one and on friday when I thought I will put some seriously funny stuff I was shattered by two information , One was bit personal and other one was publicaly personal.

First reason : I can just say, Truth hearts and sply when you cant do anything about it . Second reason: Rakhi declared that she gonna choose her life partner on sunday and I feel sad. Not becuase I could not be on the show but for the guy she gonna choose. ahhhhh GOD is so mean some times I tell yaa……

Love aaj kal not worth it….disappointed… :(

p.s : If you still reading ; then do check out this link . Trust me your brain deserves this after such a shitty reading.

Left Right Left !!!!

“Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.”
~Dave Barry

“Left Right Left!!!…1..2..3…4…5…6…k??..simple na??”

Well it looked as easy as hayden hitting a six to appam over the cover boundry.

“ye..simple”..i said.

“let start then…1..2…3..4..5…6″.

“k…1…3..2..2…errr…how to do this one?”

Other made it. 1..2…3..4..5..6…. :(

“Ok next step then”

She almost gave me “which-planet-r-u-from-look” while barely managing to control her laugh.

“Its even more simple ..1..2…3..jump…1..2..3..jump”.

I think she was testing me or may be she was missing her daily dose of cyrus on mtv and she thought i can be a perfect escape-goat.

“1…2…jump…3…2..1..jump…3″.

Atleast i completed all steps; doest matter it was in random order.

Now this time she wanted to laugh big time but she didnt and she choked while controlling it.

Well you just got a glimpse of 1st session of aerobic class I been through. After attending the session my respect for bollywood chorographers incresed 10 folds. I mean now I no why ppl get so freaking crazy when ever-fat saroj khan gives them 100 rupee note on those reality Tv shows. Dancing is really an art and to master that; its a blessing (and hardwork). And if you are still wondering what I am talking abt i.e. if you have problem while adding 2+2 or your common sense says mumbai is capital of india or your uncle’s name is george bush then let me tell you in laymen terms that I am more pathetic then sunny and sanju baba when it comes to dancing. Now I know why dance instructor says making bobby deol dance was such a nightmare. I could see the pain in my instructors eyes.

IPL is over and after spending 99% of time (please note its after office) while watching those matches. I wonder what I will do now. No sensible thought crosssing my mind. But some not so sensible thought did crossed someone’s mind and the person called my companies office to say that there is bomb in our building. Well how pathetic you may be at shaking that leg; you dont want to die in your 20s; I dont think thats a perfect age to die. And on top of it I think its not the worthy enough reson to give all the chix and money (which may be comin my way as predicted by horoscope column of hindi tabloid) a miss. So I ran for my life and was out of the building in 6 and half seconds . Well turned out be a hoax call but we had a day off at 3pm… nice na?

After orkut I started to njoy the facebook too . I think there is not much of a scope to socialize there with friendz and orkut is well enuf. So I started adding filmi and TV janta(I mean stars) to my list. I am not sure how many of these profiles are true or fake but just adding them for FUN of it. I have added from likes of aakash chopra (for gals ..his a cricketer) to likes of mahesh bhatt. But I am most excited abt adding rakhi sawant as my friend. I have just sent her a request letc…fingures crossed..hehe. Just wondering what kind of facebook status he..err..she must be having…any idea?? may be like ‘Why ur crazy abt me’ , ‘Me itni hot kyu hai’ or may be latest ‘Mujhse shaadi karoge’…hehehe. And yes I think I am talking funny; And my building watchmen agrees with me too.

Normally I find it difficult to start a post but this time I am finding it difficult to end this one. So not sure what to say… should I say I know I have two left feet and I am not ashamed of it or shouuld I say in last four post there were 3 instances where graceful rakhi sawant’s name was dragged or should just tell you the real reason that i gotta pee….

But all this sounds so boring stuff..so will just say cya..till rakhi adds me as her friend .. :P

On the disc : ‘dance me chance mar le’.

Laga ungli me daag..

hey…gals , guys and varun gandhi’s … I am back with a crapy blog and a small request. I want you to follow me just like vodafone network…so u can be updated about me. I mean i have this twitter account since ages and no real follower yet…so follow me….and know abt me….wen m sad,happy,burping,copying code…basically everything under the sun and over the bed… :)

http://twitter.com/allthecrap

I know that nobody is intrested in following a 20 something bachelor guy with weird english and with zero hobbies…but still…ki farak paida hai….

Last week had been quite a hactic one….saw a frnd in hospital bed(his recovering now) with no cute nurses around…met an old frd after a long time…wen i say old it means chuddy-buddy friend. Our friendship goes back wen there was no cell phones no pagers, no X-BOX..and no rakhi sawant…it was wen kimi katkar was hottie , STD call meant special previlage and video games were ultimate TP.Now we have grown-up (atleast physically) but warmth was same..we met like chuddy buddies only and was quite refreshing….only diffrence is he earn his kamai by breaking ppls teeth (he is a dentist)…he also got a cute GF by his side…obviously she havent met me yet so she is still with him.I no that bastard is smiling while reading this….:)

Now taking clue form poo’s blog abt forgiving and forgetting; I think my stand is quite clear…. life is too short to hold the grudges, Its all abt forgetting the past and moving on…read somewhere
“It really doesn’t matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven.Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on.”

Coming to IPL; This years IPL getting better then last years atleast for me (if you just remove the mumbai indian’s performnace till now). This time round even bowler are getting there due and thats wat make it more balanced and less batsmen friendly. I love KKR not because of SRK but bcoz its the only team which allowed MI to win twice. I hope that modi get 2 more teams like KKR in IPL-3 so that MI can win more matches. Have read fakeiplplayer’s blog and its good fun. And i am sure it has more followers then KKR ever had.

Taking another clue/tag form MM’s blog abt ten most romantic bollywood movies m trying to put few my favs….to start with i am not a romantic at heart…I like movies which has masala and shakti kapoor in it.

1.Kareeb
2.DDLJ
3.KKTH
4.Jab We Met
5.Mohabatten
6.Saathiya
7.QSQT

Now i cant put down 10 movies..ye 7 bhi bahut sochne ke baad aayi hai…m not sure how many of u have seen kareeb but do watch it its awesome amateur love story and that why i like it. It was bobby’s second and neha’s first film so there chemistry is fresh and intresting.

Going back to; IPL vodafone ads are highlights of the matches. Its nice to see those rajpal yadav’s in white costumes. Unlike its rivals bharati and idea it has never used any bollywood actor as there brand abassador and still manage to grab the eye-balls unlike amar singh.

Now the title …well i remember mere bachpan ka ek kissa ..a chap was our captain for the cricket match and he thght we were nuts so he taught us how to defend and how to hit big once and gave us 20 min ka lecture on “how-to-kick-other-teams-ass” and he went for the strike as the opener and got his ass kicked on the first ball. You shd have seen his face ……and as duniya is goal unfortunately it happend to me this time after writing 2 posts and sending so many mails to my friends abt “why-to-vote” and “know-ur-neta” that they blocked my email id. I got a shocker when I was abt to press the EVM button bcoz the person i wanted to vote for was not on the list. So quickly i tossed a coin and decided the candidate.

I know u must be thinking what kind of fool i am but there are two reasons for the blunder. I stay at kandivali and my voting area is at my old address thats in jogeshwari and last time it was between sanjay nirupam and priya dutt…but this time arnd there area has changed so the …. Still i managed to fingered the democracy and got my fingure tainted.

I know this post has started no where and ending at no actual conclusion but if you have read so far give your wonderful eyes some rest and start typing the comments….m signing off …

Bad news : Cant read abhi’s blog..it says blog is open to invited readers only….can somebody help!!!

BTW i think deccan chargers cheer-gals are hot!!!…wats ur take…. :)